A lesson on being comfortable

WhatIWore:
Jacket: Vintage Sears & Roebuck (Free)
Shirt: RL Oxford
Tie: Thrifted aka too lazy to go check the label
Belt: RL braided belt
Pants: Levi's 501
Shoes: Allen Edmonds

Though this isnt the most expensive outfit, I love the way it came together. My buying habits are extremely erratic; sometimes I grab one outrageous thing that I have no clue how to wear, or what would even go with it, and other times its simple shit. From my light blue De la Renta jacket, to my white RL pants, somethings will be in the closet for some time, while things like my seemingly infinite collection if ties are worn everyday, especially with work.

Though it all, thrifted or full price, my style is within the same arena; comfort. Luxury or prep its all comfortable, including but not limited to fit, I mean also when I put it on, I KNOW, this is me, and me is this. Contrary to elitist style/menswear bloggers who are quick to call an outfit "costume-y" I believe clothes are more-so personality than status, though sometimes clothes and status do overlap, its not a must. Wearing a rep-tie doesnt make you any more Ivy than wearing MJ shoes will make you a better basketball player, and those were all reasons of function.

Granted I do have a degree, and I am working towards my masters, that indicates not what I wear, at least at this point. I dont believe this is a problem looking like you care, just because your job only requires "casual friday". Just because you are required to wear a suit, doesnt mean you have to be stiff either.I surprisingly I hate having to wear suits because im lazy and hate getting them tailored. I like blazers to mix and match with jeans. Plus I flat out hate wearing too much of the same color, like how suits are generally navy jacket + navy pants or black or grey top and bottom, something about that kills me on the inside and I dont know why *shrug* and as a consequence Im rarely happy to be wearing a suit, especially at work.

...anyway, Im alive, life's pretty good

When the time comes

I feel like my life at this point is playing some strange game of duality. Mentally im at one place but physically im at another... Masters program, yet no job, a girl but cant date her...then again thats me as a person...contradiction and non-linear logic...

but for todays post I have the jacket...
A vintage(80s) Christian Dior Double Breasted Shawl Collar jacket


Beautiful gold buttons setting of a particularly blue jacket, not so navy as my iphone would have you believe, its a little lighter. It gives a certain flair of wealth, screaming "im on a boat", yet sophisticated enough to know that you already knew where I was going.

Though the jacket cost me the price of a medium pizza from Little Ceasars, I love it to death. The problem is where exactly would I wear it!? On my any travels to the library?, while pulling an all nighter? or to the movies?, though I kid, my point is a piece such as this deserves a backdrop thats quite comparable to its beauty. Though I am in south florida, im thinking, Worth ave, Palm beach?, Downtown Delray or maybe Mizner Park Boca Raton... None the less with no destination in the foreseeable future I can only imagine when id wear it...

Regardless, theres something about it, a uniqueness about a shawl collar jacket with a pocket on the upper right. One of those things you dont see everyday. Also the fact that its double breasted, not really a common style for mean at the moment.

anyway...I may add more pictures later

Via Skype

Sweet innocence
you, through my eyes gives me hope
...or atleast a smile
you and those red pants, did i mention I love red pants?
that girl, with the accent from somewhere with cows in the distance

sometimes i just want you around

060911

Give it all you got, till you got it all...A major precursor to progress is to set aside ones pride in the name of positivity. God's promise was not that life would be easy, but that he would bring you through...over adversity. Dont be too proud to ask for help, and never feel as though you are too good for something...especially when you have no foreseeable options. Very few things in life are absolutely pointless, its a matter of perspective. Find the benefit in adversity and hard times... The past 6 months have shown me that hard times encourage focus. When doors start closing, you have a way of starting to narrow your sights on your destination...Focus and progress are not exclusive to struggling, but the struggle does fast forward the thinking process in my mind... in other words when "shit gets real" youre forces to make a decision...

In life mistakes are inevitable..there are metaphorical "wrecks",where a bad choice leads to a bad outcome, singularly, then there are series of bad decisions. Its important to not let adversity and negatively lead to further bad choices. Be honest with yourself...be real...look at where you are, and look at where you wanna be....then figure out the disconnect, the things that need to happen to get where you want to be.

*heavy sigh*
lets see what happens
I think I heard ice cracking...

What she told me....

So theres this girl right. Very attractive, the light skin long hair long legs, bowbowbow type girl. We have a bit of history together, nothin "serious", just a series of hoodrat events on her part.....involving the song buss-it-wide-open, basketball, tennis, Indian food and a football stadium...you know all the ingredients to a real memory.

(pause)

dont really know where i was going with this
ill be back later


*comes back later*

we're just friends
and Im perfectly fine with that
though I do have a part of me that wants to be more....
our relationship is waaaay more healthy as friends
she needs me as a friend, and thats what I shall be

FB chat 0612011

...sometimes people dont even know how true the words are that they speak. Surround yourself with people who are DOWN for the cause. No man is an island...and lord knows I need help.

The worst

...the greatest fear is the fear of the unknown
the greatest obstacle is the glass ceiling
Obstacles unforeseen but most definitely THERE

Balance

while that dark side of my mind continues to be just that....dark, there is a lighter note to cancel it out.

I am blessed with opportunity
I just hate waiting...
So thankful for what ive been given
the good and the bad, are shaping me
...this multifaceted individual
this existence of potential
...this
....me
I just hate waiting
I just want to press fast forward
I just want to live my life
...and not be scrutinized about my past

I know God is here...I know he is working on me
Im trying...
I will be fine

Getaway

with perfect timing I got a getaway...
a moment of clarity
a moment to be me
...its so cancerous to live this double life
Im seriously pushing my breaking point
but through it all im back...3 days later
ready to continue this...thing...life

Lets just see...

raise your hand if youve ever seriously contemplated suicide
and i dont mean an "FML" moment...i mean the real deal
the internal struggle of "well if I do it now, whats the best way?"...the back and forth or "if I do it now would I care if people called me weak?"...or my favorite "if i was to do it now do I really think God will save my soul?"...in my mind repeating "My father, if it is possible, my this cup pass" until i realize ive literally had the same thought for 30 minutes....

...oh no one *looks around*
me either
*walks away*

Pieces of me

Why do you want to hurt me?
You are me and I am you...
I dont understand, why?
The world is hard enough...
Its supposed to be US vs. them
Not Me vs. You vs. Them...

You put up this front like youre the strongest person, but youre not
Very few people believe you, and would even choose to be in your presence
I guess youre too wrapped up in believing the world is against you
Youre perception is shaping your outlook, and you wonder why youre alone

I hate that its this way
I feel like im the bad guy
I know im not, and it sucks


people say, they cant respect someone like me, but in my mind i think "you dont know me, or what ive been through, its not my fault"
...and if you only know the damage youve done, you know the damage youve done, but you dont care...and ill never be the one who cares the most.....NEVER....and ill leave it at that...just like that...pieces on the ground
pieces to be stepped on and wounds to be reopened with each step in our dirty relationship...you pretend you dont see these chards and so shall I...

You call it

No spears, but fears and maybe a few Lears
Efficiency often yields deficiency
..but thats up to you to decide

Laws used as claws of a monster global-sponsor
America, what does it encompass? or is it the pompous fool
There are two sides to a story, pursuit of the Power

and the Glory, that is diamond quarry
while the lesser see the oppressor

Pair the nation with corporation.
....then ask your self who are you fighting for?

Lines blurred by what occurred when He said oil but I saw toil

Its all an episode of Gossip Girls
when money is the motive, education gets demoted

(ehhh i dunno just a thought from my iphone)

Politics

Founding Fathers are NOT my Fathers
Fathers love their sons, and love we had none.

We didn't feel the love when you counted us as 3/5th's
...as if we're broken.
If we are BROKEN, its because YOU broke us.

You broke us and strategically pieced us together.
Pieced us together with half truths and propaganda.
...all held together by Uncle Tom's famous glue, sticky..

Gave us leftovers, we made it cuisine.
Created a culture that wasn't OURS, from a leftover meal of hatred.

After you had your way, you kicked us to the curb...
..now you wonder why we hold tight to the ghetto.
It's that only thing that was ours.

Make us jump through hoops for pension plans...
..now wonder why we're so athletic.
Wandering Minstrels searching for an ear.

My Founding Father was no Father, now ask me why we're excited for the First Black Family...

Music Life

If you can listen to any song at any time, I feel like you arent listening to the words, I find myself saying "ehh thats not the vibe right now" so much....I just think music should match my mood, from hip hop while doing homework, to reggae, to rock, to R&B or oldies soul on a sunny day...

I mean whatever your mood is, find that soundtrack....I find that its the meaningless, emotionless, "throw-away" rap that is killing the game...shit that has no meaning and no purpose other than a dope beat...and thats unacceptable

South Florida= Love

I love being home...

Lose Lose

There are just some people in the world you just cant win with....and thats life
...the people who may even do nice shit for you, but when they get a chance, they are the first to metaphorically kick you in the face...

....that aint life

people who claim and hold fast to shit that they ARE SUPPOSED TO DO...like seriously, you mad you have responsibilities? really?

or people who let outside variables dictate their interaction with you?....so the world shitted on YOU, so you mad at me?...riiiiiight


..and through all of this, im supposed rock with you!?

shit aint nothin logical about that.....and though i win for callin you out on ALL OF THIS....I now lose because you still dont recognize your fault

Example

*cues Curren$y- Example*

I am an Example, of intelligent surroundings
I am an Example, of what happens when a child is motivated and held to high expectations

....Most importantly I am an example of an African American(Bi racial if you wanna be technical)male, who has attained a bachelors degree, in 4 years.

I was rudely awakened by the gravity of my achievement....as small as it is to me, I failed to realized that many people look up to me while others take pride in who I have become. I believe that everyone who has a circle of people of whom they have repeated interaction with will have SOMEONE look up to them, or take pride in who they are...whether family or friends or just the lil homie from the ball court or whatever.

I only right this as a mental note to myself, to be aware that I am an Example, and should lead as such.....

042911

...Im just not one for the spotlight. Its the eve of my graduation and I really dont care. My homie graduates...umm NOW actually(limited tickets) and im BEYOND HYPED for her...but me...not so much....i dunno

I threw together this lil dinner that im currently getting dressed for and even this was more than I wanted. My Fam is currently en route, thats cool, but ehhh i dunno...maybe it just hasnt hit me yet...

....or maybe the uncertainty of the next few months is overshadowing this moment in life...

either way...im content, I hate when people say "arent you happy?...you made it!!"
...i mean yea....but there was never a time where that was up for debate...sure i messed up a few times, but doesnt everyone.


(edit)
12:34am

Lowkey I feel like today is just missing the special someone... Looking back on the females that have been in my life. My ex is supposed to be here.... As lame as it sounds... I still love her... Despite how things ended

...on a brighter note... My parents actually met my friends at dinner and we had a great time.... It's officially Saturday I graduate in 10 hours!!!

Realization #42611

Today I realized that girls actually really like me....i just dont give them the time of day. I realized that as a guy im SUPPOSE to be the one who "chases" but im to chill. Theres one girl who im interested in and she KNOWS...the rest just get conversation here and there.

My boy called me "mr. friendzone" but in all honesty i never pursue anything so thats not a diss, those girls are my homies... for some reason my life isnt powered by sex *shrug* ,,,i mean dont get me wrong...i love a GREAT female body, but i need that connection first...i cant even lie.

Cuz honestly whats the point of sexin dimes that dont last...thats like buying your GRAIL status sneakers and wearin em one and those shits just crumble to pieces. Fuck these glass slipper ass hoes, only good for the night. I need the day time ladies...if you can last through out the day, then trust me youll be around for the night with me....

...and thats how I know

that glorious moment when you see your hard work pay off
...stay thankful and close to God
not saying pray all day, because you pray when you see fit
no need to throw verses at people or parade your faith
let your life be a testament to others
when they ask "howd you do it?"...you reply
...im powered by faith

life gets hard, and thats a fact
life is unfair also
but life does get better...and thats what people need to realize
cant appreciate happiness if youve never been sad
and i dam sure dont wanna listen to you if youve never seen struggle


I look back at the last 4 months of my life, and thats how I know that God is real

Graduation

April 30th 9am

Through it all

...through it all remain true
life has endless inspirations, beautiful inspirations
never steal, only incorporate
there is only one YOU,dont mess it up by being someone else

seriously

"Don't spend your life with someone you can live with, spend it with someone you can't live without"

single-handedly one of the dumbest quote ever....What kind of person would I have to be to depend on someone to the point "i cant live without" them? S im supposed to just pack myself in a box and die when/if my gf leaves? BITCH-HELLA-PLEASE!... Im gonna live my life regardless of who is around me. I might WANT you around, but shit ill be damned if i NEED someone around. I want my partner to enhance my life, not be the basis of my existence...as if i wasnt living before, and wont be living if they leave...

...call me heartless but shit, i cant go for that

But why...

Im single because i really dont think im capable of being with a person....sure i have friends who i love unconditionally AND WILL DO anything FOR. But when it comes to a girlfriend, i really dont think im capable of accepting someone, flaws and all and still finding them just as attractive. IM SUCH A MENTAL PERSON....i analyze everything. No clue why, but it is what it is....

Im an only child...im fine being alone, and to some extent my personality encourages me being a loner. I do things on MY time, i dont look for people when i wanna make moves....i suppose im too independent when i comes to my peers

Because im so laid back, i attract girls who are more aggressive...that makes sense, girls who would make he effort to let her presence be known.....girls who know me before i even know they exist. Girls who like me, more than I like them......aka girls who annoy the shit outta me...

[addition] Just looking at what others call "love"....i know im no capable of that....
no one person's happiness will never be the basis of my own aside from my kids...
My life will never revolve around an individual, aside from my kids
I dont want to reenact "the notebook", i seriously hated that movie

something ive learned

....few people know me.
Even my closest friends, dont know "me".

Having a convo with my homegirl about relationships, she painted me as the most shallow guy ever. Really offensive, as if i'd never date a girl who wasnt a 10. Word to my ex, if we are compatible based on personality im down for the cause forreal.

I may joke about lightskin shit, or other aesthetics, but that shit doesnt matter as much as people think.

...to some extent i feel like im on a selfmade island.....no one person knows everything about me, so i have to BE different versions of myself to different people. Its the inability to be real with alot of people....they dont want "Real"....people have this pre-composed opinion of me when they meet me....shits wack...

...one day i will probably break, but til then...Charades for everyone

....then she said

" i wanna live through you. I feel like you have the best life"

....i got alittle mad. By no means is my life perfect. She has a corporate job that flys her around. Were both single though...

..i guess is just one of those things, you dont know my life, you just know the outer appearance of it.

Passing through

...thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.

Complexity of me

As a person, I cant even explain who I am. Im more than my preppy attire, or a closet full of sneakers. Im more than a mind full of rap/Hip Hop lyrics. Above all....im more than my mistakes....believe it of not.

...but the one thing I am, is genuine.


I feel sorry for anyone who is ever faced with the question, " C*********n?....who is that?"

...I just am, honestly *shrug* and i think its better that way

The Map

When X marks the spot, you except all weaknesses, faults, and short comings. When you see the beauty in imperfections you know youre in the right spot...

Where'd you get that?

is it not laughable that the earth, which was given to Man for free is now being bought and sold. Am I alone in seeing the humor in one claiming land, air space, sea, as his own?

Ok you claim to own this plot of land...on what grounds is this your property? Who gave it to you?...oh you bought it from a real estate/ housing developer?...where did he get it from?...cool, ok he bought it from the government?...may I please ask where did the United States of America get this land in which we call Florida? ....wait, well let me stop you before you even answer.

History tells us that Florida was originally inhabited by Indians, the real native Americans....Some pretentious fraud of an explorer arrives and names a place that already has people living in it, who for sure named it something totally different from "Flowery land". I may have missed that class where it became okay to TAKE whats not yours. What kind of people does it take to SEE a culture, living, thriving, and for not reason other than shear difference, label them as inferior and insignificant?

I digress...the humor in this is so blatant. Since when did TAKING become means of acquisition? Are our primordial instincts that solid and ingrained in our genetic make up that we cannot fathom idea that more force does not equate to more rights? Maybe im retrospectively picking on my worldly ancestors, but then again, maybe they did know better. Commodification of arbitrary THINGS just seems odd to me....like what egg-head individual decided that it made sense in his mind to take the ground we walk on and claim it as his own. And what group of idiots went along with that. I wont even get on how crazy it is for one to claim lands that he doesnt need as necessary to existence as his own.

My train of thought leads me to the idea that the concept of value can only truely exist when property can be defined. Because after all, what value does anything have if it essentially can be used by anyone? Our sole purpose as humans must be to acquire. Are we really that dumb, to only see the importance of something once someone puts a limit on it? Land has no value when its community property, and neither does gold when its sitting in a mine. In a modern example, money has a lowered value when an individual currency is in high production.... Is it fear?...fear that if He has, and I dont....that i am now worse off? Is it a lack of individual thought, that says if He does it, then it is therefore okay for me also?

who the hell knows why people do what they do, but i'll be damned if theres no humor in someone claming whats naturally occurring, before they existed, and hopefully after they are gone and forgotten as their own....

Bad Advice

" What you wont do, another person will"

...on the surface this quote essentially gets at the fact that people have options. True..options are great. But in the context of a relationship, ones actions should not be dictated by the available options of their significant other. Sadly this is often advice given for women who arent open minded in the bed room and guys who dont...well you know reciprocate. Aside from the uninteresting references that deserve no more than a passing "LOL" i believe this is one of the worse pieces of advice one can give.

...i mean "cool story bro" you got options, im pretty sure we all do....but YOURE here, dealing with this situation..... so your options are obviously less attractive in your mind.

In addition, ones actions should never be influenced by the fear of someone leaving. If someone wants to leave, please let them. Id rather you care about me for who I AM, not because i'm the logical option. As much as I would like to call myself the best option, there will always be someone better, slicker, funnier, more good looking, with better sex etc.

I swear if my girl ever told me "what you wont do, someone else will" I'd tell her to GTFO...

Push for Anarchy

I propose, that the minute, second, instance, laws were enacted is the same minute, second, instance, that man stopped living...

Carnivore

One farmer says to me, "You cannot live on vegetable food solely, for it furnishes nothing to make bones with"; and so he religiously devotes a part of his day to supplying his system with the raw material of bones; walking all the while he talks behind his oxen, which, with vegetable-made bones, jerk him and his lumbering plow along in spite of every obstacle.

Ignorance for growth

How can he remember well his ignorance- which his growth requires- who has so often to use his knowledge?

How can one be expected to progress if he doesnt know where he ought to be progressing towards? In a circle of friends where YOU are the smartest, you as a person will not grow. Living a routine, machine-like existence, one forgets his TRUE place in the world. Its easy to get caught up in the fast paced goings on. Allot time for introspection....always make time for leisure, and never let go of your individuality...

Words I never said

i wanted a future
I loved this little face that she would make when she was confused
I know she didnt know that I loved her just the way she is...
I never told her that i would never be ashamed to have her name tied to mine or vice versa
It didnt matter, short hair or long...and even with her nerdy glasses on that she was still amazing...
The fact that i love how opinionated and dam stubborn she is....she will never know
I will never get to tell her that, if her parents disapprove of me, that I would always be respectful to them... because any 2 individuals who could produce a woman so extraordinary atleast deserve me being cordial
Its just some shit thats been on my mind, foreal, the fact that there is so much that id love to say to her

....it just sucks when you know she wouldnt even want to hear it

I dont even know...

I dont even now where my life is headed
i dont even know what im doing
ive made my mistakes..and ive over analyzed the situation

Ive partially become what I didnt want to become
im THAT guy in my mind that the 2009 me didnt want to become
aside from school the past year of my life has been horrible

Ive lost the only girl who I genuinely loved
I broke someone elses heart
made life altering mistakes due to MY OWN lack of good judgement

im depressed AF (at the moment)...

the sad part is that i honestly dont care, about too much....
I blame myself for the this turn in life, but whatever, its behind me

people ask me "are you ok?" " how are you?"...and i lie, I know they dont want to hear it
Too often people come to me for happiness and advice, and at the moment Its a struggle


I rarely talk my family because i cant even really face them, i know they are disappointed in me....

*sigh*
....
i dunno

it is, in fact what it is...

and the lamest part about all of this is that this is the most honest ive been with myself in a while

Happy New Year

Starting this year off with random fly shit

LETSFUCKINGO!



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